Time Capsules and Changing Wardrobes
Just planned to rearrange my closet, you know- move the heavy winter sweaters to a higher shelf, see if I could fit into any of last year's summer apparel--- vacume the dog hair- get organized-
It floated to the floor- I nearly sucked it up-- stopped in time-- went back to May 18, 2003 and another day of organizing and cleaning!
I searched voraciously in the aftermath-- for a clue, an explanation, a fragment, a trace-- I thought I had found , ingested, it all-- still starving-- He wasn't organized and his clothes were all over the floor--in a messy heap-- much as his last days-- As I reached the bottom, there it lay-- scribbled in pen on the back of a Sobeys grocery slip:
"In so many words, I offer my sincerest and heartfelt apology. If I Retain (?) this invisible weight, I will only become more afraid, and grow more despair(?) for myself each day. I plead and beg for a forgiveness whch my own heart tells me I do not deserve. Take this howerver you wish, but know that the writer is much too aware, to appease, or feign a false projection. The author has been exposed to the harsh elements of consequence, and (misdirection?) to find satisfaction in mere trickery. This dribble that has been written on th back of a Sobey's receipt stands as a time capsule. "
It is what it is----
posted by NanNan at 12:44 PM
8 Comments:
If you click on the picture, the writing will be more clear-- I wasn't too sure of the words with question marks,, if you have an idea, let me know-- thanks!
Thank you for posting this Sue! Another treasure!
It does make me sad to read... I think I know where his head was...somewhat....
it nice to see his writing again... I still have a few unimportant and quick scribbles from him that I will never ever part with! xoxo
This sounds so sad, Susan. However, I'm glad you were able to find it and have his spirit speak to you again.
Darling Nan, a big hug.
Tried typing... many time, but had to hit the delete button.
Hug. again.
Hi Louisette-- funny how "dribble" turns into sacred! I'm not sure when he wrote this, there was no date-
Thanks Kay-- being able to share and talk about him helps tremendously-- in "real life" no one mentions his name--understandably so as not to upset me, but he's still my son, and I need to talk about him-- so I thank all of you who respond for allowing me this forum!
H: Nothing you say or feel has to be deleted!! I appreciate your insights and caring-- and now I'm wondering what you deleted!:)
Hugs are always good-- did you feel that one--tigter,, longer-- love!!
Hello Aunt Sue, think I might understand the question marks by his words....I feel that I am over simplifying by saying that he was afraid that if he held onto the anxiety and fears that he held inside of him that they would further engulf him and bring him down more so than he had been...But that is how I understand it...
Chris had a way of making one think...
Love you lots and miss you.
Tam
Sue, thanks for posting this.
Hi Sue...
Just catching up slowly on my passions (such as reading your blog)... less than 24 hours and my duties will be done for another school year... I am still slaving over a few unmarked assignments but desperately wanted a break and finally checked thse posts out...
Interesting slip... everything he said was poetic and so incredibly thought-full and provoking at the same time. It reminds me of the entries I write in my journal- candid, spontaneously inspired and cryptic sometimes... I often think and wonder what will happen to all of my journals when I pass and wonder if they'll provide insight into my own thoughts/self when I go, or whether ppl will contemplate and be more confused by them...
Never be shy to talk about Chris with us. He was so special and I love hearing stories about him, I feel it's a way to get to know him better through you despite my many passed up chances when he was still alive...
XO,
G.
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